Relationships can be challenging, albeit some more than others. They have the ability to empower and motivate you to new heights or sink you into misery and despair. Pretty powerful, right? While we have many different types of relationships that have no significant impact on our lives, there are those close and direct relationships (parents, partners, spouse, and employer) that can make or break us. The impact of any one of these relationships can change the course of your life, but if you find yourself dealing with multiple toxic relationships it can be detrimental to you making positive progress in your life.
During a recent session with one of my clients she told me she’s been trying to locate the origin of the reason for why she engages in self-sabotage. As we delved deeper into the topic she noted her mother’s words that served to undermine her thinking about achieving success. While her mother’s words were spoken with good intention, they were taken as confirmation that she would never find success. As a result she developed a fear of failure, rejection, and deep rooted belief she would fail at her efforts. Even though her mother, whom she loved, is no longer in her life the impact of the toxic remarks remain. Understanding the origin of the problems is helpful. When she starts to go off track the NLP techniques I’ve taught her allows her to continue to move forward.
The Impact of Toxic Relationships
Words have power. They seep into the sub-conscious of our minds like seeds and once they take root you can’t easily rid yourself of them. This is why I teach my clients that it’s critical to watch the words they speak to themselves. It’s alway why I encourage cultivating a positive and confident image to reinforce these feelings internally. However, self-love and self-talk is only half the battle. You must also rid yourself of toxic relationships to help prevent the erosion of your confidence and positivity.
Toxic relationships will keep you from going after your dreams and achieving your goals. The energy, words, and impact of these relationships can force you to compromise yourself and keep you trapped in negative despair. In sum, there are five ways toxic relationships can keep you from progressings:
1.Destroy your confidence
2. Deconstruct your self-esteem
3. Make you feel inferior and insignificant
4. Paralyze you with fear
5. Keep you feeling helpless and powerless.
Now, as I write this I can hear some of you saying, “But I can’t get out of my toxic relationship because it’s my ______” (you fill in the blank. Look, I get it. Some toxic relationships are not that easy to get out of. This can sometimes make you feel even more helpless. But I can say, from personal experience, that the impact can be minimized. One thing you can try to do is: spend as little time as possible around the people that make you feel bad. The second part to that is: engage in positive, uplifting, and self-affirming behaviors. Don’t try one without the other. This is where a coach, mentor or group can come in handy. But if you feel you need something more intensive, by ALL means find a great therapist.
It’s important to have some type of support because the impact of toxic relationships can be lasting. Even if you can minimize contact or remove them from your life, words have power. The support of a coach, mentor, group or therapist can help end the incessant negative loop playing over and over in your head. By focusing on activities and being in community with people who will lift you up, reinforce your dreams, support your efforts, and most importantly, provide you with positive energy, with time, effort, and commitment, you’ll diminish the toxicity around you.
Toxic Reducing Activities
Not sure what to do? In addition to seeking out a coach, mentor, group or therapist, try one or all of these activities.
- Walking, hiking, running
- Positive affirmations
- Visioning (using a vision board)
- Community outreach
There’s no guarantee that you won’t find yourself around or in some type of relationship with toxic people. So the best thing you can do is to focus on the change you can make. Learn to create a protective environment for yourself or find ways to remove yourself. Don’t waste a minute trying to change the other person or worse, waiting for them to change. But if it’s at all possible, cut them out of your life and keep positively moving forward in the direction of your dreams.
If you need a positive space to focus on YOU and your dreams then I invite you to come to my Vision Board Workshop on November 3, 2017. Click HERE to get your name on the list for a personal invite and to learn more!
Live, laugh, and confidently shine!